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« Remembering Jan Berenstain | Main | An American Rags-to-riches Story [Excerpt by Ben Carson] »

February 28, 2012


I know that when I am convinced that I have surrendered my life to the will of the spirit and accept events that cross my path as His will, that I have a sense of peace and safety. The difficulty for me in getting there is accepting that what He has in store for me is good but not knowing what and when it will be. Also I have to fight the fear taht it is not what I want. Like right now my fiancé has distanced herself to the point of breaking off. She doesn't blame me, but won't listen to me or try things I propose. Maybe in HIS divine plan for me this is to be so, but of course I am having difficulty accepting to surrender to this possibility and have her dissappear out of my life. Yesterday I sent her flowers and yet another note of encouragement, suggestion and plea. I don't know why I did this, not my usual style or ideas, so is this my human frailties or part of his plan. A temporary but rude break off for me to learn something and he His having me do what he wants after having me go through this break to learn something. Not feeling His intention and not knowing what the truth is requires faith and surrender, yet in the meantime the human pain of sadness, loss, some selfishness at what I am struggling to get back and all the physical ailments that accompany this breakdown are painful. I am asking him to forgive me from my selfishness, especially since it may not be what he has in mind, and free me from the pain I am feeling. If I love her as I say I do, I am praying that he will free me of the torment of thoughts where I am trying to figure out what can I yet do to get through to her and obtain a favourable outcome for my desire. I am praying the he will free me of my pain and desires of her, so that by my stated love for her, she can get what she wants or seems to right now, distance or a new start elsewhere. I am praying to not have hope for her return, that is the hardest, that is my human frailty. That is what is hardest in surrendering and letting Him and the Holy Spirit in to help me, and bring me where He has planned to have me. Keeping in check your human desires to let his will for me be done is hard. May he help me and help me find the strength. Amen.

Jean, thank you for sharing your experience. I am so sorry to hear about the struggle you are going through. I will indeed pray that God will give you strength and wisdom. -Adam

Thank you for listening and for your prayers.


I am in a terrible situation i always feel a very deep pressure with my will to follow God but there is this other pressure that won't let me be, and whenever i pray i tell God to take my heart dat i want him dat what ever he want to use my life to do he should do. but i discovered that i still do what is wrong the evil pressure is to much on me i need help i really want God in my life that my desire.

Damilola, so glad you left your comment. First of all, I want you to know you're not alone. This is a problem that pops up in every Christian's life. Those dueling pressures you feel inside of you - the will to follow God on the one hand, the more sinful pressure on the other - did you know that even the Apostle Paul dealt with this problem? For example, see chapters 7 and 8 in the book of Romans: http://zndr.vn/ygAdQR.

I'd especially like to emphasize what Paul says in Rom. 7:21-24 because your thoughts reminded me so much of the Bible passage: "So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

I want to point out 2 things from that passage: (1), if Paul dealt with the same thing as you, you don't need to be ashamed around other Christians. It is good that you acknowledge the truth about yourself, because this shows your willingness to let God work in your life! (2) Have hope because Jesus Christ, our Lord, delivers his followers like you and me through his grace. He knows we are prone to stumble, but doesn't give up on us. In fact, Paul reminds us we can be "confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." That means while we probablty will never become sinless while in this life, Christ will stick with us. We need to continue to trust and rely on him, who is the source of our forgiveness and strength.

I hope this helps, Damilola! Thank you for leaving your comment. If you have more questions I may be able to recommend books for you, but I also recommend you talk to a Christian you know who you can trust. Blessings, -Adam

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