We want you to share your heart and ministry with the rest of the NPC community. This is a guest blog from Andrew Marin. If you are interested in guest blogging, please contact us at npcinfo@zondervan.com.
Ron is a gay man who I first met through my organization, The Marin Foundation. He and I have known each other for a few years and in that time I have come to learn and respect that he is probably the most well thought out person I have ever met. Ron cautiously chooses every word he speaks and will not utter a word until he understands the ramifications those words will cause. Ron attends a well-known evangelical church and he began to tell me about a recent service …
A video was played that had been recorded by a man a few months before he died. The man said that the five best days of his life were the day he met his wife, the day they got married and the day each of his three children were born. After the service Ron went up to the senior pastor with tears in his eyes and said, “If I continue to live the way that you’re suggesting that I live [celibate], then I’ll never experience any of the five best days that man just experienced.”
The pastor paused for a moment and then looked Ron directly in the eyes and said, “I don’t know what to tell you.”
In disbelief Ron went back to his car and cried for the next hour. In that moment he felt sub-human, half of a man not able to live out God’s ideal like everyone else. As he was telling me this story I wished I had something profound to say. But I didn’t. This was one of those moments that no matter what I would have said, it couldn’t have met the emotional intensity that was commanded in that conversation. So I just sat in pain with him in that awkward silence trying not to be discouraged as well.
After Ron and I parted ways later that day I realized that for the first time in my life it was ok for me not to have a definitive answer for him, but rather to just be there with him. More than anything else Ron wanted to look a religious leader in the eyes (in this case that leader was me) and as much as possible have me understand and enter into his world for one brief, fleeting second. I did; and to be honest with you I was really relieved when I was able to leave it behind. But Ron can’t leave any of that behind him … because it’s his life, it’s his future and it’s his unanswered questions that Christian leaders constantly hide behind as he tries to figure it all out by himself.
As a pastor though, you are consistently looked to for the final word in such situations and scenarios. And answers like, “I don’t know what to tell you” end up having a much more negative and lasting effect then the transparent truth it was intended to communicate. Lives like Ron’s, from this generation forward, are what the leadership in the church must definitively know how to peacefully and productively handle because homosexuality is no longer a closeted urban phenomena. Therefore, it is on us to be intentionally committed to learn, and confidently know how to elevate the conversation above the stale fighting, debates and arguments as we work to build bridges with a gay and lesbian community longing to discover what we already know to be true:
That as we learn to allow God’s unconditional love to permeate our lives, it’s His first means to eternal validation as a whole person who has been intentionally created as His child.
On my desk I have a glass 8 x 12 picture frame, and resting in the bottom left hand corner is one mustard seed. When I originally put the mustard seed in the frame I placed it in the middle of the frame so everyone could see how small a mustard seed really is. But when I closed the back of the frame the seed fell to the bottom left corner because it was too tiny to support itself. I tried to replace it in the middle for the next 10 minutes, and after failing over and over I just gave up and let it stay in the bottom left hand corner.
Without planning it, that mustard seed teaches whoever happens upon my desk a valuable lesson. With puzzled looks people stare at the empty picture frame, then ask me why I would keep such a thing on my desk. I tell them that it’s not empty and give it to them to look closer. When they see the tiny mustard seed in the bottom corner they get it. We are each mustard seeds—unable to establish ourselves, dependent on the intervention of another as we remain hopeful that God can bring us through and establish the work of our hands and hearts.
I'm nothing and have nothing:
Make something of me.
You can do it; you've got what it takes—
but God, don't put it off. (Psalm 40:17 The Message)
